Can you believe it is already that time of the year again? The start of Summer is upon us, Christmas is fast approaching and we are beginning to turn our minds to planning a memorable New Years eve. It is all so exciting.
So here we are. 2018 slowly closing and 2019 lifting its head from the ground. How do you hope the next year will turn out to be? Do you hope to get a promotion? Do you plan on finally falling pregnant? Where would you like to go on holidays? And is it possible to revive your relationship and be happy and satisfied again with your partner?
As you sit here with your thoughts reaching out to the next 12 months, does your mind turn to making a New Year’s Eve resolution?
The problem here is that these somewhat infamous New Years resolutions usually only last a week or two. Why? Because all too often, and we are all guilty of this at some point in our lives, we tend to concentrate on the idea but not on the outcome.
I want to drink less.
I want to do more sport.
I want to fight less with my partner.
I want to stop yelling at the kids.
I want to lose weight.
Those are all well and good intentions but what is the outcome? Where do these resolutions lead you to? Not really far. And the other issue here is that many of our well-intended resolutions are stated as negation. The problem with negation is that that our subconscious cannot understand negations.
“Don’t go when the light is red” is very dangerous because our subconscious registers only “go”, “light” and “red”. The better statement would be “Only go when the light is green.” Now our brain hangs on to “go”, “light” and “green”.
So instead of “I want to drink less” you could say “I’ll only drink 2 standard drinks on 3 nights each week”.
Instead of “I want to fight less with my partner” you could state “I want a harmonious relationship where we solve our differences in peaceful discussions.”
But when you really want to create a New Year’s resolution that works and drives you forward you need to think of the outcome and give your mind a visual representation. My mentor Chris Howard taught us a great way of creating those goals and how to frame them in our mind. His formula follows an acronym which is CREATE.
The C stands for Concise – is your goal worded in a clear and concise manner?
R stands for Realistic – is your goal achievable within the timeframe you give to it?
E stands for Ecologic – is it safe for you, safe for others and safe for the planet? You want a goal that creates something great for you without hurting other people or taking advantage of them. You don’t want to exploit nature either.
A stands for Attractive – is your goal attractive enough for you to drive you towards it? How bad do you want it?
T stands for Timed – do you have a specific date by when you want to have your goal achieved?
The final E stands for End Step – questioning what is the final puzzle piece that needs to fall into place so that you know that you have achieved your goal. This End Step is the most powerful element of Chris’ CREATE formula, because our subconscious is working with images and feelings. This means that if you can get a clear image of what it looks like when you have achieved your goal, then your subconscious will work with you towards that goal.
How does this CREATE formula work in practice?
When you think of the goal to “fight less with your partner” your goal could look like this (write it down on a piece of paper or as a note in your phone).
“It is now 25th December 2019. My partner and I are sitting on our balcony with a glass of champagne toasting to a peaceful and harmonious twelve months we just had.”
This goal ticks all the boxes. It is very clear and concise, it is realistic, it is ecologic (safe to everyone involved), for sure it is attractive, it is clearly timed and it has a very nice end step.
Now your task is to make this picture of you and your partner toasting to each other as vivid as possible in your mind and store this image in your mind. Then you read your description daily to yourself. In time, you will see that once and for all, your New Year’s Resolution is actually working.
If you have any further question on how to CREATE your best NY resolution don’t hesitate to contact me – I am happy to help. welcome@Inspiring-Relationships.com.au