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This book is for every person who wants to work on their relationship and learn more about how to maintain a loving, intimate and respectful relationship. This book is also for people experiencing a rough patch and want to see a way out and get back on track, without needing to ‘air dirty laundry’. And finally, this book is for single people who would like to know what caused their last relationship to fail.

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Respect is more important than love

When I speak about Respect in my seminars or workshops, I ask the audience for a good visual representation of the word respect. Every time they struggle to come up with one. Think for a moment and try it yourself. It is difficult, isn’t it? We have emoticons and emojis on our phone to express excitement, joy, sadness, love and a host of other emotions, but nothing that represents respect. Yet we all have an idea of what respect is. In our day-to-day lives, we show respect.

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How do I get him to…

We have now collected over 613 different answers to our Relationship Performance Quiz. This is a huge success and the insights are fascinating. Besides the score each participant receives, it is interesting and quite alarming at the same time to read all the questions that people ask me about relationships. And there is a large group of women asking the same thing… “Why is he such hard work?” or “How could I get him to…” be more of this or less of that. What I read here is the major frustration amongst women aimed at their partner. Sometimes it sounds like a question about a foreign species of (maybe wild) animals.

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You’ve cheated.
For whatever reasons, you were unfaithful. And now you are experiencing remorse, your conscience is getting at you. You feel guilty, you can’t look in the mirror, you feel like a prick. You are feeling bad all of the time, you have trouble sleeping and your appetite is low. You fear your partner is sensing something. You can’t kiss your partner as freely as before and having sex feels wrong. Now, you want to confess and tell another soul so that you can free your mind from this burden. You want absolution.

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How to maintain a fulfilling sex-life

Are we having enough sex? Is our sex life fulfilling enough? Do we both feel secure, satisfied and understood? This is not surprising because we all see the connection between happiness and sex. But is this really true? Does more sex mean more happiness? The answer is plain and simple – it does not. Scientists in the US have conducted a survey and asked happy couples how often they have sex. The average answer was between two and three times a fortnight – or around 60 times per year. Remember these were the couples who considered themselves as being happy. Then they asked people who had sex more often and asked them whether they are in a happy relationship and found out that it is not necessarily always the case. In other words, more sex does not always equate to more happiness.

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If it is not broken, why fix it…

A relationship is between two people. If one of the two thinks their relationship is near the end and the other one does not even see the cracks, you have a big mismatch. The fact is that the attitude “why fix it, if it is not broken” might work for your plumbing issue, but definitely not for your relationship. If your water main burst, after showing some cracks, you have to call the plumber, get it fixed and deal with the mess.

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A while ago a friend of mine told me a story – she was dating a nice man and she was rally in love with him. She said everything was going very well. He had planned a trip before they met and so, when the time came, he went away for a three-week holiday. My friend did not consider this a big drama at all, just a new partner following through with previously planned commitments. They had spent a couple of nights together and she considered it to be the beginning of a serious relationship.

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Too much pressure

Why do we put so much pressure on ourselves? The other day a woman contacted me and voiced her concern for her partner. She really felt for him and asked me: “How do I get my partner to not put so much pressure on himself?” So here we are in the 21st century, where...

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How to CREATE a realistic New Year’s resolution

So here we are. 2018 slowly closing and 2019 lifting its head from the ground. How do you hope the next year will turn out to be? Do you hope to get a promotion? Do you plan on finally falling pregnant? Where would you like to go on holidays? And is it possible to revive your relationship and be happy and satisfied again with your partner?
As you sit here with your thoughts reaching out to the next 12 months, does your mind turn to making a New Year’s Eve resolution?

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How did you not see it coming?

She then said something that really got me thinking. She said ”Even in the end, he did not see it coming. I spent the last couple of days at a friend’s place. And when I came home to tell him that is over, he only asked when I was coming home”.

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