A successful, happy and lasting relationship consists of two individuals who are themselves successful, happy and contented. Of course everyone has their own definition of success and there is no point in comparing your life with anybody else. It is important though that you are content with yourself and with your own definition of success. This gives you the perfect starting point for a great relationship.
Working on yourself is the best way to work on your marriage. Whenever I speak to partners in a long-time relationship, I see two people who respect each other, who listen to each other and who stand up for each other.
You can only respect someone else when you respect yourself. You can only listen effectively to someone when you are in control of your own thoughts. You can only stand up for the other person, when you are standing solidly on your own two feet. You need to help yourself before you help others.
You need to put on your Oxygen-mask on first.
Many women come to realising that their relationship has taken a downward turn over the last few years. Sometimes it has taken them over five years to finally admit that their relationship is in trouble.
It is hard to imagine what must go on in the minds of these women (and men) each and every day.
You feel trapped in a situation and you can’t see the way out.
What you can do…?
There are always three doors you can choose from. And the choice is more difficult for each different door.
The first door is to do nothing and stay in your unhealthy or even toxic relationship. This is the easiest door, but at the same time, it is the one that leaves you feeling unhappy, sick and eventually unhealthy.
You are in a difficult relationship. You can see it. Still, you stay put and keep up with it each and every day. And you hope against all odds that it will be better one day in the future.
The second door is to walk away. Separation – Divorce – Split up.
What a crazy idea? You lose half of your assets, you lose half of your friends, you may lose the worry-free connection with your kids. And the memories you have of the last few years become tainted with the feeling of “not good enough”.
This step is a very hard step and many, many people stay in unhealthy relationships because they fear the unknown.
Where am I going to live?
Will I ever fall in love again?
Will anyone fall in love with me?
Because we don’t know the answer to these questions we stay put and chose the first door.
The third door is even more difficult to grasp.
This door is all about change. And you’ve heard me saying it before, “you can’t make your partner change, you can only change yourself”. In other words, the third door is about yourself.
You need to realise that you need to change to eventually change your relationship for the better. You need to own it. You need to be empowered. You need to change!
Believe me, the first two doors are undoubtedly much easier to walk through.
When you have decided that the third door is the right path for you, contact me because that is where I can help you.
You deserve to live in a loving, intimate and respectful relationship.
Let me help you to achieve that.
Simply send me an email to welcome@Inspiring-Relationships.com.au and we take it from there.
I always enjoy your blogs Jurgen. Thank you.
Having said that, I’ll part with you on one issue: ‘You can only change yourself’.
Thank you Mark for your kind words and taking the time to respond to my blogs.
Happy to discuss my point of view further with you, but probably best in person.
For the time being lets agree that we disagree on that point… 🙂
Thank you again – great to hear from you!