The Blog

 

Lovers not just parents

There is absolutely no denying that becoming and being a parent changes life as we know it. Pressures involved with being responsible for the safety and wellbeing of a totally dependent little person, along with the depleted energy and time stores we have perhaps previously taken for granted, can spell a diminished connection with your life partner. It’s natural, it’s to be expected, but it is crucial that you take action to ensure it does not last forever.  read more

Re-engage with your ex?

The other day a client of mine brought up this question – “Can you re-engage with a former partner successfully?”
Unfortunately, there is no straight forward “yes” or “no” answer. Like all relationships, circumstances vary and each response will depend on your circumstances.
When I was asked this question though, one thing was certain -the person asking it felt doubtful, and we know that too much doubt is a bad advisor in any relationship.
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Extended Memories

If you look at any couple who’ve been together for more than 10 years, you will find that they have a natural tendency to store information in each other’s head.

Ask them a question on any event that has happened five or six years ago they will most likely each tell you parts of the story, inserting elements on behalf of one another, recalling parts for each other, until the story seems whole. Sometimes one of them is better with numbers and facts, while the other is better with names and emotions. read more

Be Romantic as Often as You Can

It is easy to succumb to routine and normalcy when you’ve been in a relationship for a long time.  Busy schedules and day-to-day comings and goings can often result in couples losing the passion and fire they once felt for each other, forgetting the tactics they once used to vigorously invest in their relationship.

It is a common conundrum in lots of marriages – how do we reinvigorate the romance in our long-term relationship? read more

Respect Your Partner as You Respect Yourself

We all like to feel respected; to feel that our voice is truly heard and that our opinion has weight.

It is crucial to instill an element of respect in your relationships, too. Just as we like to feel validated, so too, does our partner.

But how do we show our partner that we really respect them? Sure, you can say it all you like, but at the end of the day, your actions will speak far louder than your words. read more

Disconnect to Reconnect

It is no secret that we have become a nation addicted to technology. We carry a screen with us everywhere we go, loving the convenience of information, finances, weather reports, news and entertainment, all available at the touch of a button. Having access to such fast technology has certainly changed the way we work and play; however, we are noticing more and more that our interactions with others are beginning to suffer. When was the last time you had a heart to heart with your loved one or children without one of you, diverting your eyes back to a screen? Your answer may come as a surprise to you if you are really honest with yourself. read more

You can only change yourself

This is a true story, for the privacy of those involved I have changed names and blacked out their identity.
Recently I offered a special: two free coaching sessions on one of the Facebook groups that I am a member of.
Immediately a couple of interested people raised their hand and asked for more information.
One of them, let’s call him Dave, posted the following: “Could you please talk to xxxx … I need your help to allow her to release her self worth again…”
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Appreciation ping-pong

One really fun way to spend some quality time with your partner is called “Appreciation ping-pong”.
You sit together and in turn each of you shares something you really appreciate about your partner.
This goes back and forth as in a ping-pong game.
You will see immediately how this sharing of love, gratitude and appreciation is giving you both a deep connection with each other.
Give it a try – you will love it. read more

Relationship with no future

We all like to feel respected; to feel that our voice is truly heard and that our opinion has weight.

It is crucial to instill an element of respect in your relationships, too. Just as we like to feel validated, so too, does our partner.

But how do we show our partner that we really respect them? Sure, you can say it all you like, but at the end of the day, your actions will speak far louder than your words. read more

Magic Moments

Life is not measured by the number of breaths you take, but by the moments that take your breath away.
I call these moments “Magic Moments”.

Please click on the video to the right to watch this post. read more

Stop Domestic Violence

And I am not talking about just physical violence but also about verbal abuse, verbal violence, which occurs more and more in all sorts of relationships.

It is a growing problem, not just in Australia, but around the world. And especially women are victims to domestic violence.

My recommendation and my strong advice – if you are a victim of domestic violence, walk out of that relationship.

I know it’s called Inspiring Relationships, but a lasting and inspiring relationship can’t be built on violence.

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Active Appointment

When was the last time you had a real appointment with your partner?

Look, when you move together, often times the excitement of dating and longing to see each other subsides. Because you see each other every morning every night.

And instead of having a ‘date-night’ you say “See you tonight, darling!” And over time you just live together without having this excitement of going out together.

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Carmen – and the (un)balance of power

Currently Carmen is playing in the Sydney harbour and it is a great opportunity to see this beautiful opera again under the stars with the backdrop of opera and the bridge.
Over the weekend a dear friend of mine asked me: “Does Carmen qualify for a long lasting relationship?” The answer is not straight forward. But let’s analyse the opera.
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Is your first baby like dynamite for your relationship?

It’s an unbelievable moment when your first child is born and to this day I remember how I felt coming home from the hospital thinking: life will never be the same!
And so it was, so it is and it’s great joy.

Still, with a lot of relationships I see trouble ahead when the first baby is born, because suddenly there is a bundle of joy sleeping in the middle of the bed. And – I don’t know about you – but romance, intimacy and sex with a baby in your bed that just doesn’t work.

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How do kids spell L-O-V-E?

Have you ever been in a coffee shop in the morning where a mother or a father sits with their children?
And instead of relating to the children, they are on their phone. They are texting, they are looking at Facebook or maybe they are checking on the share prices from last night, but they are not relating to their children.
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Changing your partner?

Look, in every relationship there is the situation where someone is saying:
“I just hate the way you do this!” or “Can’t you just stopping doing this and that?!!”

Is this actually the right way to treat your partner?

Do you actually expect them to change?

You know, you are not his mother…you are not her father… Being able to educate and being able to change them…

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Is intimacy the same as sex?

Look intimacy and sex is totally different.
Intimacy can be so personal and is a reflection of your relationship to each other.
Have you ever seen an old couple walking through the streets holding hands?
Or have you seen the intimate gesture of kissing your partner on the forehead?
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Do you feel sometimes disconnected from your partner?

You see, being disconnected from your partner can happen very quickly in our so fast running world. He might be on a 3-day business conference hardly finding time to call home and she is spending her time with work and friends. When he is coming home, the flow is not there and each is silently blaming the other to be distant. Tension can arise very easily… read more

Trust

How to build trust in a relationship?
That is a difficult one.

I see this time and time again the trust is deteriorating over time within a relationship.
And that’s one the things that makes the relationship so vulnerable.
How do you build trust?

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Keep Talking

Did you ever wonder what is the make or break in a relationship?

Today’s tip is an essential one.

And today I want to talk about “talking”.

You know the average couple only talks 7.5 minutes with each other per day.

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Tolerance

Remember you are two individuals each with their own agenda, history and peculiarities. Accept those of your partner – period.
I reckon we would be a much better society if we would be a bit more tolerant towards the other person. It is their upbringing, their belief system, their value – so be it.
And the same holds true in your relationship. Just because you are married or defacto does not give you the right to educate the other person or to change your partner. Be tolerant and open to learn.
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Why do weekly planning?

You see a lot of couples don’t plan their week ahead and then Monday comes around and Tuesday comes around…and it’s all a surprise to the other one that he is having soccer training that night. Which is actually every Tuesday, but if you don’t put it in your calendar you kind of forget.

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You are two individuals

n my view it’s absolutely important to understand that each relationship is built from two individuals. And the stronger you belief in the strength and weaknesses of each of you, the stronger your relationship can become. read more

No iPhone in your bedroom

When your first touch in the morning is your touchscreen on your iPhone, you are missing out on the amazing and intimate chance to connect with your partner – give him cuddle instead!

Yes, I understand, we all are addicted to Facebook, the news, the share prices and all the other social media which pretend that we are connected to the world at large and the friends near and far. But at same time you are missing out connecting with the person right next to you in your bed.

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Money is more important in a relationship than sex

Sex and erotic are integral parts in any loving relationship. And for some they are even the most important parts. But there is an even more important subject for building a long lasting relationship and that is money and your relationship to money.

You see, sex is constantly changing over time. The infectious first weeks and months of dating won’t last. Pregnancy, stress and multiple other factors will always influence your sex-drive and your level of satisfaction.

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Our Children

If my relationship workshops can save 200 children a year from the traumatic events of separation and divorce of their parents – my mission is fulfilled.

My strong belief is that we have not inherited this earth from our forefathers but we are only custodians of the land to leave it to our children. Our children are the most precious we all have. At the same time they are the most vulnerable.

Each time a marriage or relationship breaks down the children are the biggest sufferers.

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