Is technology slowly poisoning our relationship?

“You must be kidding?” – That’s what is probably going through your mind right now.

You are reading this blog-article on your computer, tablet or smartphone. Without our great technology, these lines wouldn’t reach you. And while it is true that we all love and embrace modern technology, I would be lying if I said I hadn’t seen the effects it has on the relationships of the couples I talk to.

It starts with the television being present at the dinner table.

Your smartphone always in reach.

The incoming text from one of your friends that immediately turns your attention to the phone, away from anything else you were doing at that moment.

I see parents with their young children on the way to school having a cappuccino and a baby-chino together to start the day. The child is half asleep and daydreaming whilst their parents are frantically trying to catch up with all of their emails, social media posts and admin. Precious bonding time with their child is missed because of the pull of technology.

Have you ever seen a couple in a restaurant where both individuals are connecting to the world through their mobile phones instead of with each other, the person sitting just across the table?

What about when you’ve been in a deep meaningful conversation with your best friend? She might want to get some help or advice or just an empathic response, but in the middle of her story, your phone rings. Or you receive a text from your partner. What do you do? Would you answer it?

You see, it’s almost a silent agreement that we collectively can’t stand a ringing phone. We just can’t let it ring. It is so distracting and so demanding that we pick it up with an apologetic expression on our faces, knowing we are breaking the conversation or attention we should be affording elsewhere. We just have to respond to the phone.

My question is: why is the incoming call or the incoming text more important than the person you are with right now?

Sure, there are situations where you want to be available and you want to be answering the phone, because you are desperately waiting for a call or news. The fantastic thing about our technology is, that we can be available 24/7.

Still I challenge you and question: how often do you really need to be available?

If your partner was constantly texting on their phone, or playing on the xBox, or watching TV around the clock, how would/does that make you feel?

I don’t know about you, but I feel disrespected in those situations, like when my son texts constantly during our precious family-dinner time. I would feel disrespected if my wife were to pick up the phone whilst I was telling her about my latest win at the office. I would feel disrespected if the person I have coffee with insisted on checking their Snapchat-, Pinterest-, Facebook- or Instagram-account all the time.

How is this relevant for you?

Literally every couple that contacts me for help with their relationship is worried about the ‘loss of connection’ within their relationship.

Isn’t that peculiar? In spite of all the technology at our disposal, in spite of being available 24/7, in spite of never leaving your mobile phone out of reach, we are losing the connection to the person we love the most!

What you can do…

  1. Agree on technology free zones and times at home with you partner.
  2. Ban the phone, tablet, computer and television from your bedroom.
  3. Disconnect from technology for several hours and reconnect with yourself.
  4. Do the Relationship Performance test and find out the actual state of your relationship:


  1. Register for my next webinar and learn more