“Oh, no I can’t come, my wife wouldn’t like it…”
“Yes, I’d love to see you guys, but my husband does not have time…”
You want to be selfish from time to time and do something just for you.
Sure you want to spend as much time with your partner as possible. And through your different work-schedules there is already a big chunk of your week occupied – and you can’t be together.
Where are your own interests?
You want to be selfish from time to time and do something just for you, within limits of course.
You don’t want to do things that hurt your partner. It’s not about betraying your partner or cheating on them. It’s not about getting mindlessly drunk and do something stupid. It’s not about risking your life in the pursuit of your dreams.
It’s about pursuing your own goals and following your heart.
Maybe you always wanted to go on a meditation retreat and your partner does not want to come along. Discuss this with your partner and organise a time where it would work for all people involved. Obviously while you are away your partner needs to cover for you in terms of household chores and childcare.
If you want to do hiking and camping trip with your mates, do it. Again you should consult with your partner to make sure that your absence does not create havoc.
If you want to travel overseas and visit your friends or extended relatives, do it.
These adventures come at a price and as we all know, money is more important in a relationship than sex. Therefore, you also need to discuss with your partner the funding for your adventures. It is not always easy to find a mutual agreement on these things. Give it a try and follow your heart and let your goals not been destroyed by being in a relationship.
You need to be selfish sometimes.
By pursuing your own dreams you are happier and more fulfilled. You bring new ideas, thoughts and goals back into your relationship and you both can grow from there.
And there is a lot of reciprocity in this selfishness. Once your partner helped you to go after your dreams, they might want to explore something by themselves. Or you helped your partner to pursue their own dreams and hobbies – now you have the chance to do the same for yourself.
One of the most important things I found in any lasting relationship is growth. Together as a couple you are growing, and it is equally important for each individual to grow.
What you can do…
The next time you find yourself wondering whether you should do this or that and whether your partner would come along, do it. Tell your partner about your plans and do it.
You might be surprised against all odds, and find your partner wants to join you.
It could be something small, like watching a movie together. You both want to see the new James Bond flick but for some reason you can’t find the time together. Now one of your best friends is asking you to come along. Do you decline because of your partner? Or you talk to your partner and make sure they are not disappointed and you go with your friend.
Sometimes it can be difficult to find the right balance between pursuing your own goals and to coordinate adventures with your partner. And there is not the one-size-fits-all solution.
Again it is about clear communication and respect.
You want to make sure not to hurt your partner and at the same time you want to make sure not to sell out of your dreams.
As I said before, by pursuing your own goals and dreams you bring new ideas, insights and inspirations back into your relationship so that you both benefit from your adventures.