The other day, a client of mine brought up this question, “Can you re-engage with a former partner successfully?”
Unfortunately, there is no straightforward “yes” or “no” answer. Like all relationships, circumstances vary, and each response will depend on your circumstances.
When I was asked this question though, one thing was certain – the person asking it felt doubtful, and we know that too much doubt is a bad advisor in any relationship.
Please let me ask you this:
Why do you want to get back together?
Is it because of a mutual desire for deep and vibrant love or are you both bored of looking for a new partner?
Is it convenience?
Or something else?
Back to the question: “Can you re-engage…?” – Yes, you can.
There a many examples of successful second marriages with the same partner.
On the other hand, there are equally lots of stories of second attempts which ended in disaster because the “old games” were played again and the “old behaviour” came to the surface again. Then you find yourself at the same point you’d been years before.
Maybe you could analyse it better in asking yourself these questions from an unbiased, unemotional point of view:
- How long ago did you first separate?
- How long had you been together?
- Do you have children together?
- How many serious relationships have either of you had in-between?
- What was the reason for the breakup?
- Have you changed since then?
- Has your ex changed since then?
- How likely are you to end up playing the same old games as before?
Once you go through these questions and can honestly digest your motives and the renewed attraction to your ex-partner, you can make an educated decision. Which, of course, will be an emotional one – not a rational one – and that is how it should be when it comes to love and relationships.
As a relationship expert, I see more downsides than upsides in the decision to get back together with your ex, butt don’t let my critical thinking get in the way of your emotions.
All the best!
If you wish to discuss this topic with me personally, please don’t hesitate to book a free 15-minute phone conversation with me. Happy to help.
