You can see the writing on the wall already.
Your relationship is going nowhere.
Time is running out
The passion is gone, the talking has been missing for a long time.
The sex and the children is keeping it together – somehow.
It has been running its course for far too long now.
On the other hand – is it really over? Is it beyond repair?
You have been a good team. You are good parents. There is no violence, no hatred.
There is just plain emptiness.
How can you restore this?
You’ve tried so many things already and in the best of cases you see a spark, a small flame; but the next morning or the next week the emptiness is back.
Sometimes you wonder if you left, if you’d even be even missed. Sure, your kids and friends would miss you – your colleagues and customers too. But would your partner miss you? Or would your partner be relieved that it’s over?
What is it that is keeping you together for now?
Convenience, Security, or Habit?
You see, there are three pillars for your relationship and you need to work constantly on all three.
These are Quality Time, Communication and Intimacy (Sex)
If you could somehow increase the amount of Quality Time together you have a chance of turning your empty relationship around.
Sitting together in front of the telly does not do the trick.
You need to get away from home and do something together that gives both of you joy.
It’s like meeting with a friend for a coffee and a chat. You both do something together that brings joy to everyone involved.
Have you asked your partner what they would love to do over the weekend?
Do you know what really is going on in your partner’s head?
Recently a man contacted me after reading one of my newsletters and mentioned that these Active Appointments with his partner always come to an end too quickly and he does not see the benefit of even trying to spend quality time with his wife.
In response, I asked him simply whether he had asked his wife what she would really enjoy doing for their active appointment? It turned out that he hadn’t.
That is one of the dangers in every relationship. We are often so caught up in our own thoughts and values that we simply forget to notice that our partner might have totally different things on their minds.
The challenge is to find a healthy equilibrium between your own wishes and needs and those of your partner.
If you keep working on spending quality time with your partner doing something that you both enjoy, you will more than likely find that communication in your relationship begins to feel less laboured – slowly but surely. Eventually, you can re-create the loving, intimate and respectful relationship you both deserve.
Under my guidance (with either one or both of you), we won’t go seeking out and rehashing all the things that might have gone wrong in the past.
We are not here to air dirty laundry.
We will look into the future and learn how to build a strong foundation for a lasting relationship.
Please reach out if there’s anything I can help you with. Relationships are what I do!