Today I met a young woman at a networking event and we started to chat.
Eventually she asked me what business I was in and I responded that I’m a relationship expert helping couples who hit a rough patch to get back on track without needing to air dirty laundry.
She said “oh, I needed that kind of service a couple of months back” and her face flushed with bad memories. Picking it up I asked “so when did you separate” and she said “in January – after 5 years being together”.
And she added, that she’d be now talking to the lawyers as it was a de-facto relationship.
Of course my professional interest wanted to know more.
“What happened? What was the reason?” I asked.
“We didn’t know how to communicate” was her dry response.
She then said something that really got me thinking. She said ”Even in the end, he did not see it coming. I spent the last couple of days at a friend’s place. And when I came home to tell him that is over, he only asked when I was coming home”.
Did you know that over 70% of divorces are filed by the women?
Men often don’t see it coming. They don’t know how bad their relationship is. They live in the delusion that everything will sort itself out. They hold on to the ideology that if it’s not broken, why bother fixing it?
Guys, let me tell you that if it is broken, it is too late to fix it.
You need to be proactive and make sure your partner is happy in your relationship.
How is this relevant for you?
Each year thousands of men around the world come home to a vacant house. All traces from their former partner have been removed. Empty cupboards, empty beds and no laughter from the kids’ room.
Men come home totally unaware of what must have been going on for months before their wives would take such a dramatic step and leave.
I feel out of place when my wife of more than 25 years is away for a business trip to Melbourne. I come home to an empty house knowing that the next few nights will be lonesome and cold. But at least all her things are still there and I know that day and time she’s coming back.
How it must feel to open the door and all you hear are the echoes of your footsteps is totally beyond me. And my assumption here is, that you never want to experience this yourself.
What you could do?
It is all about communication and ensuring there is an environment for that to happen.
You should take your wife out for an active appointment and really listen and understand how she is feeling. Maybe you could even ask her, “How happy are you in our relationship right now?”
And then hold your breath and really listen with empathy and compassion to what she has to say.
Hopefully your relationship is not broken, but in any case, there is benefit in finding out whether there are any cracks that need your attention.
Remember once it is broken, it is too late to fix it.
If you want to find out what an active appointment is, please check out my website and download the short guide to your active appointments.
And as for the young woman I met…She said “it didn’t work out and I’m much happier now. Better to find out now and to break up now than in four years’ time.” And she looked very happy saying it.