Blog

When the kids have moved out…

For the last couple of years, you have secretly (and sometimes openly) voiced your concerns that your kids will never leave the home environment. You felt like Hotel Mama or Hotel Papa. They come when they please, not announcing friends staying over and the fridge is perpetually empty despite being at the grocery store more than you’d like. They drive your car every now and then, and surely borrow your camera equipment once in a while. As a result, you’ve felt a bit like a supplier of all sorts of services and gadgets.

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Why money is more important

I would like you to imagine three days without sex and now three days without money. Which one is harder to imagine? Which one is harder to do? Sure, we all want sex. Some of us, as often as possible, some of us on a regular basis, some of us every now and then – but we all want it to some extent. Living without sex for months on end may not be ideal, but it is possible. No one has ever died from lack of sex. Money though? Living without money for even a month is practically impossible, especially if living in one of the twenty top industrial nations. Please do not forget that living together is also an economical decision.

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His unforgettable smile

It started all so well – back then – ten or fifteen years ago. You met at a gym. It was a total chance encounter. If it wasn’t for your friend’s party the night before, you would never have gone to the later session at the gym. But you did. And there he was, smiling at you, smiling with you. You felt electric that morning and the exercises were not so hard. You remember it so well it was a Friday in March 2006. The week after you made sure to go to the later session again. And he was there again. The same shy smile, the same clear blue eyes looking at you. Again, you felt electric that morning.

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Closed Book

It is not uncommon to hear women who participate in my online coaching program talk about their men and report “my husband is a closed book to me, I don’t know nor understand what is going on in his mind…”. I’ve often heard confessions of finding this trait intriguing in the beginning of the relationship; he was the big mystery she had set out to solve. But for some reason she couldn’t get through to him, or he didn’t let her in. What started as being intriguing soon became concerning. How could you live with someone who does not open up, who does not share their thoughts and feeling and who does not talk?

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Your brain is a meaning making machine!

Steve Chandler writes about the idea that whether you see a stick that looks like a snake or you see an actual snake, it actually makes no difference. In both cases your mind does the same. It is a flight response and your body will jump. Even if you really are only looking at a stick, your mind-body-reaction will be the same. He rightly says “perception is reality”.

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You can only change yourself

A successful, happy and lasting relationship consists of two individuals who are themselves successful, happy and contented. Of course everyone has their own definition of success and there is no point in comparing your life with anybody else. It is important though that you are content with yourself and with your own definition of success. This gives you the perfect starting point for a great relationship. Working on yourself is the best way to work on your marriage. Whenever I speak to partners in a long-time relationship, I see two people who respect each other, who listen to each other and who stand up for each other.

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Available now – online and offline

This book is for every person who wants to work on their relationship and learn more about how to maintain a loving, intimate and respectful relationship. This book is also for people experiencing a rough patch and want to see a way out and get back on track, without needing to ‘air dirty laundry’. And finally, this book is for single people who would like to know what caused their last relationship to fail.

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Respect is more important than love

When I speak about Respect in my seminars or workshops, I ask the audience for a good visual representation of the word respect. Every time they struggle to come up with one. Think for a moment and try it yourself. It is difficult, isn’t it? We have emoticons and emojis on our phone to express excitement, joy, sadness, love and a host of other emotions, but nothing that represents respect. Yet we all have an idea of what respect is. In our day-to-day lives, we show respect.

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How do I get him to…

We have now collected over 1,421 different answers to our Relationship Performance Quiz. This is a huge success and the insights are fascinating. Besides the score each participant receives, it is interesting and quite alarming at the same time to read all the questions that people ask me about relationships. And there is a large group of women asking the same thing… “Why is he such hard work?” or “How could I get him to…” be more of this or less of that. What I read here is the major frustration amongst women aimed at their partner. Sometimes it sounds like a question about a foreign species of (maybe wild) animals.

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Forgiveness

You’ve cheated.
For whatever reasons, you were unfaithful. And now you are experiencing remorse, your conscience is getting at you. You feel guilty, you can’t look in the mirror, you feel like a prick. You are feeling bad all of the time, you have trouble sleeping and your appetite is low. You fear your partner is sensing something. You can’t kiss your partner as freely as before and having sex feels wrong. Now, you want to confess and tell another soul so that you can free your mind from this burden. You want absolution.

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How to maintain a fulfilling sex-life

Are we having enough sex? Is our sex life fulfilling enough? Do we both feel secure, satisfied and understood? This is not surprising because we all see the connection between happiness and sex. But is this really true? Does more sex mean more happiness? The answer is plain and simple – it does not. Scientists in the US have conducted a survey and asked happy couples how often they have sex. The average answer was between two and three times a fortnight – or around 60 times per year. Remember these were the couples who considered themselves as being happy. Then they asked people who had sex more often and asked them whether they are in a happy relationship and found out that it is not necessarily always the case. In other words, more sex does not always equate to more happiness.

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